This entry is for those of you who’ve read my book. Everyone else, you can look away.
September 11th, 2010
I had my first synchronicity in almost three years today. It was most unexpected. Today, is the ninth anniversary of the September 11th attacks on the World Trade Center Towers in New York City. On this day, in the mail, the picture that I drew of a woman, a year before I met her, arrived.
I’m not quite sure of what to make of this. Ten years ago, I would’ve brushed it all off as nonsense, but too many life experiences have tempered that aspect of me. For starters, the picture arrived today, on the anniversary of the attacks, on the day when my life changed nine years ago. I drew the picture eleven years ago. I gave it to her in 2001, the month before I left for South America on my first expedition. There’s no damage to the picture, or frame, and it appears to have been well taken care of for the last nine years.
I personally was invested in searching for the picture with the full intention of finding and destroying it. Before I made that choice, I sent her a letter, asking her to return it or direct me to its whereabouts. I wanted closure on it, because when the year 2011 arrives, I will be doing the task which I was destined to do. It was the last loose end in my life that’s haunted me for ten years. When I didn’t hear an answer for a month, I figured that my letter never made it to her, and probably none of my letters made it to her over the years.
Today, it arrived, and it had a personal letter inside of it. As I read her personal letter, she revealed to me that she kept it all this time, which means that when I left in 2006 across the country to search for it, I would’ve failed anyway. I thought she’d given it away, because in 2005, she asked me what to do with it. At the time, I was shocked that she still had it. So I told her to give it away, to see if magic works both ways, and I was ready to test the wills of Fate, and see if the picture would come back to me. Strangely, the note was dated on August 10th, 2010. She didn’t send the picture out until September 7th, 2010, and it arrived 4 days later, on September 11th, 2010, today.
All this time, she’s read my letters. She kept the picture, and never let me know. She kept it because she felt that one day, I would want it back. I went on my wild goose chase across the country on the train in 2006 to find it. At that time in late October, I bought an all America Rail pass, and hoped that somehow, my internal guidance system would take me to the picture. I stopped in Chicago, Seattle, Portland, Vancouver, San Diego, Flagstaff, Santa Fe, and then back to Philadelphia. I remember looking over my shoulders in every cafe on the walls for a pencil drawn portrait, of a woman with focused eyes. In Santa Fe, I went to every gallery, and looked through the coal and pencil drawings. At the end of my search, I concluded that there was no magic, and resolved to find closure with a Bolivian woman who I had an epic romance with, and almost married, having lost all contact with her for almost three years. I bought a plane ticket for Lima, Peru, and left in January of 2007, for my second expedition across South America. I came back in 2008, having found closure with her in a way that was most unexpected, but which taught me a valuable lesson, that there’s no such thing as a coincidence, and that there’s a grand design and plan for every single person.
And now, after I bought a motorcycle and created a detailed plan in my head to hunt down the picture, starting first with combing Boston’s streets, and finding leads, it arrived and took the wind right out of my sails!
But I’m stuck in a conundrum. I want to destroy the picture, because of what it represents. For eleven long years, that thing has haunted me. It’s been in the back of my head, and it was partly what sabotaged my relationship with the Bolivian woman and my latest relationship. Because of that, I’ve considered it a curse on my heart and soul. And now I have it, and I’m forestalled from destroying it, because it arrived in my hands on September 11th, 2010, the day that changed my life. And on top of that, there’s the lingering question in my mind, which is why did she hold on to it for that long, just because she thought that one day I would want it back? But more puzzling is this question. Her letter is dated August 10th. The picture wasn’t shipped out until September 7th. Why did she wait precisely a month? For what reason? A month is a long time to wait. It’s a long time to have a personal letter written in hand, and to wait to send out something that’s been with you for such a long time.
After nine long years, I finally got to see the picture again. And now, with nine years of experience, I can truly assess what the function of the picture was for. The picture really was the key, the key that unlocked the door for me to a whole other world, and put me on a path where a tragic world event permanently closed the door behind me after I stepped through, and I’ve walked that path ever since… and it’s been a difficult path, spiritually, mentally, physically, relationship wise, and financially. It’s had enormous heartache as well as fleeting moment’s of triumph. It’s been a path of learning about the injustices heaped on the beleaguered peoples of the world, and the desire to bring them justice is what motivated me to write and publish my book. It’s a path that’s enriched my life to a degree that I think I’ve honestly lived several lives in the last ten years.
If it weren’t for the picture, my life would be vastly, utterly, completely different from the one I live today. I was so ignorant back then. The picture opened me up to wondrous possibilities, new countries, cultures, and experiences. And now I have the key back in my hands, with the intention to destroy it, and I’m at a loss as to what to do. The only thing that’s keeping me from destroying it, is the arrival date, September 11th, and the time discrepancy between when the picture was sent, and her letter. It feels almost like she… like she had trouble parting with it, and wanted to think about it.
Well, I’m going to think about it as well. The very thing that’s cursed me… that’s blessed me… that’s sabotaged and haunted me for so long is now back in my hands. I’m going to give it a meditative period, starting from today, until the eleventh anniversary of when I drew it, on November 26th. November 26th, 1999 is the date that I drew the picture, on the Amtrak Northeast Direct train from Philadelphia to Boston… eleven long years ago. By November 26th, I’ll have my answer, and on that day, I will have a raging bonfire prepared somewhere in the remote wilderness to destroy the key. The double edged sword, the blessed curse, is now back in my hands. And when it’s destroyed, I will close the chapter and the book on the last ten years of my life.